#this got way to freaking long lol
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hi mod! you are the person i know who knows and is most excited about fish, and my favorite way to learn is to ask people whose passion and delight i am already familiar with. i know this is stuff i could find digging around on yt or search engines but it is just less fun and often less informative. but ofc feel free not to answer if you don't have the time/energy etc!
i am coming to realize that i would really like fish (after attempting to convince my wife that he would like them and then they pointed out that it kind of sounded like *i* wanted the fish and well). but i am very chronically ill (spend most of my time laying down in bed) and also poor. i'm worried about not being able to take care of them well enough.
assuming i restrain myself (that is don't deep dive into habitat design or breeding or anything beyond just having some guys to spend time with while i'm stuck in bed) what are the daily, weekly, monthly things i'd have to make sure got taken care of? are there ways i can simplify or automate tasks while not sacrificing their care?
OR do you know of good places where people have already talked about this, or other people who love fish a lot and might wanna share their knowledge?
my partner is also suggesting a plant&snail tank instead of fish but i'm even less sure how to approach their care needs!
watching you get into fish reminded me of how much i love them (had some when i was young but was not primary caretaker). it's good to see you make creatures so happy.
well thank you for reading and i hope you are having a good weekend!
ahhh weeee haha fish ask fish ask
there's definitely ways to make mega low maintenance tanks! what you're going for is overfiltering, understocking, and planting as much as possible. I'll go over those points. this got mega long so i'll put it under a cut.
overfiltering basically means bumping your filter up a size. if you have a 10g tank, get a 20g filter. this will reduce how often you need to maintain that filter. I'd recommend sponge filters, they're by far the cheapest option and imo easiest to maintain. you'll need the sponge and an air pump. i see a lot of mega reduced amazon sales for the tetra whisper air pump. depending on how dirty it gets you're looking at every 2-3 months taking it out into a bucket of clean tank water and squeezing out the gunk.
in that vein, you wanna get as big a tank as you can. seems counterintuitive, but the more water you have, the more stability. the less maintenance. so if you wanted a 5g for a betta, consider getting a 10g. if you want a little 10g nano school, get a 20g long. if you want a 20g community, get a 40g breeder. whatever's gonna fit in your space. my best recommendation for tank size is 20g long, it gives you sooo many options without being massive. if you're in America the cheapest way to get a tank is wait for Petco to have their quarterly tank sale. otherwise look for something on the local market.
now onto understocking. basically pick animals that aren't gonna shit that much lol, and put in less than can technically fit in the tank. the snail tank is a definite fun option, as long as you're sticking with pest snails and fewer large snails (big snails have a big bioload, even bigger than most fish). a planted 10g with a variety of big snails (a mystery, a rabbit, a nerite, etc), pest snails, and a few amano shrimp, would be fun and extremely low maintenance. you'd even have the option of trying some fancy shrimp, tho they might breed like crazy. if you want a tank with fish instead, i recommend getting a school of a tiny species like chili rasbora, ember tetras, pygmy corys, basically anything that stays little so you can get as many as possible without a big bioload. for schooling/shoaling fish, the more the merrier. absolutely do not get live bearers. no guppies, no mollies, no platys. that's the opposite of low maintenance. shit machines that will multiply forever, don't do it.
now. you know i love my bettas, favorite fish, but i'm always hesitant to recommend them. they're wonderfully personable but the caveat is that it seems more and more they run into health problems as they get commercially overbred. it's luck of the draw. you might get an easy buddy who can survive anything, or you'll get a sicky. most of the time my bettas are super low maintenance and rewarding, but when they ARE sick, it's hard. it can be daily water changes and treatment for weeks, and sometimes even that doesn't help in the end.
so with that said, my dream low maintenance tank stocking would be 20g long with 4 amano shrimp, 1 mystery snail, 1 rabbit snail, 1 nerite snail, and a school of around 15 nano fish (I'd do either chili rasbora or celestial pearl danio cuz they prettyyy). OR i'd just have a centerpiece in that big old tank, like 1 betta for the whole tank or a pair of sparkling gouramis. fish choice is definitely too much to get into for this post lol.
now third point, planting the crap out of it. this is where things can get expensive. i really do recommend investing in this step at setup, but try to cut costs by buying from local sellers, or even seeing if people are giving cuttings away. the lowest maintenance plants are ones that don't require trimming, like crypts, buce, anubias; these plants are gorgeous but they don't filter water that well. faster growing stem plants and floaters will REALLY help to filter the water, but require more maintenance via trimming and replanting stems (monthly) or removing overgrown floaters (weekly). hornwort and guppy grass are great options for something fast growing that you can just chuck in a tank, no need to plant. what I'd most highly recommend for the sake of lowering maintenance is adding some pothos cuttings coming out of the water. terrestrial plants are much better at filtering water than aquatic plants because of their direct co2 exposure, and I've had the most success with pothos! i also love a spider plant in water.
some other money specific points. for substrate, you can use rinsed play sand and/or pea gravel from a hardware store, but you would need to add nutrients if you have things planted into the substrate. you can add root tabs (api root tabs cost about 8 bucks a pack, but you need to replenish them every few months) or a small layer of aquasoil at the bottom. (aqueon has a little bag of shrimp/plant soil on amazon for i think 12 bucks). and the one thing you shouldn't go cheap on is the heater. their failure is more dangerous than other hardware because they tend to fail ON, aka they cook the water. you wanna make sure you trust it. the cheapest heater i trust are the aqueon preset submersible heaters, also frequently on sale. or you can forgo the heater and commit to only "cold" temperature livestock; the snails and amano shrimp idea would be fine w/o a heater.
labor specific points, once it's cycled (which can take weeks, during which time you'll do literally nothing to the tank) and stocked, it'll depend on how fast those plants eat up your nitrates on how often you do water changes. for me, i do 25% every two weeks on my 20g. it could probably stand to have more since mine is pretty overstocked but fish are ok to sit in slightly higher nitrates as long as they're used to it. when testing, i do recommend the api master test kit. it's more expensive than strips but way more accurate and it's lasted me longer than 2 tubes of strips. if you don't want to buy the test kit, just do water changes as often as you can. every 2 weeks if possible, then you can try pushing to 3 weeks, or even monthly.
get a water siphon to make it as easy as possible. empty water into a bucket on wheels so nobody has to carry anything. you can also look into getting a submersible pump with a long enough tube that you can empty water directly into the nearest drain, then to refill with clean water put a bucket in the sink with tap water, put the submersible pump in that bucket, and run the tube back to your tank, adding dechlorinator directly to the tank beforehand. just be careful with this method if you have small animals at risk of being caught in the siphon.
also, some people with planted tanks don't do water changes AT ALL. they just top off as water evaporates. what i do some would consider overkill, but i'm so frequent with my water changes because i have really hard water and there's this thing called old tank syndrome that can happen if you only top off, and yeah that's this other whole spiel lmao BUT not doing water changes IS possible, people have success. just not me!
so monthly tasks; rinsing sponge filter every 2-3 months. weekly tasks; depends on how often you decide to do water changes. daily tasks; feeding, frequency varies depending on livestock, but i basically feed once a day. if you're going for a self contained ecosystem low maintenance dealio, feed as little as possible. i know of people who do this and sprinkle in food weekly or less. i don't have experience with automatic feeders, but i'm wary of them lol, they could be totally fine, idk. it's better imo to just feed infrequently than risk the auto feeder dumping too much food.
to wrap it up, i'll be real with you, setting up something that's as low maintenance as possible while working with budget constraints is hard (at least in my area). this hobby is notoriously expensive, especially when you're just starting out. you need to see what the local market is like. see if there's fish hobby groups in your area that can help you with spare supplies and plant trimmings. your partner's idea of a plant/snail tank might be the best place to start! as far as other resources, the fish subreddits have soooooooooooo much info.
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rereading the nuca pink doujin and seeing yakumo tear himself apart re: his snake form vs his human form all this agony and self-doubt and silent suffering and fear of rejection like "if i looked less human would u hate me" , "if u saw me in my true form wouldn't that be horrible. terrifying. disgusting" , "if i admitted i want to swallow you whole would you think worse of me"
and i imagine him asking something like this to the crowd of clan members , who are , undeniably,, a group of Kinky Fuckers
they all smile with the serenity and carefully masked excitement of a horny olivine. masterful beautiful reassuring expressions (errr..... masked to different degrees depending on the clan member)
#yaku is in his head so much about that#he thinks his snake form would be gross right? right????#eiden might give me Wet Hole privileges when i look like this carefully crafted human avatar#but if i revert to my original body there's no way anyone would ever want to ..be with me... like that? right???#meanwhile eiden's just got that sly look on his face in the corner waiting for yakumo to make the proposal#i can't imagine any of the clan members being particularly freaked out about yaku in snake form.....#all the yokai are immediately eliminated from Grossed Out pool. like. that's them. they know how it be#then you got the ppl who have lived way too long to be shocked by a sweet little snakewife being more noodley than usual#rei and quincy fall into that category most likely. blade by association because . well. blade.#he's gonna make a Yakuchan Snake sculpture and it's gonna be extra cute so yakumo doesn't feel shy about his snake form anymore#(actually it's going to freak yaku out even more and he's gonna spiral thinking that he's uglier than he ever imagined)#(and he's gonna run away feeling more insecurity while blade is SUPER CONFUSED because he captured his cuteness perfectly??)#(eiden's gonna have to reconcile another misunderstanding. sorry eiden. artistic differences are rough)#and you have the general Kinky Fuckers like eiden oli and morv#morv won't care as long as you feed him LOL#and eiden and oli are just sideeyeing excitedly like. snake? snake??? can we. can we try that 👀#i imagine that the only people who might express hesitation at first are edmond and dante#eddie would probably cave though once he realises it is IN FACT still yakumo in there. and he can fully consent#(then we give way to Kinky Fucker Edmond. Welcome to the party eddie!)#hmm... dante... never really thought about him and snakekumo...#how would that even go DOWN? like what is even the siTUATION here? how did we get here??#dante catches sooley who has a tiny snakekumo in his mouth??? a tiny lil guy who was lurking in his palace for some reason???#hm. warrants more thought exploration. we'll come back to that another time.#nu carnival yakumo
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My roman empire is the difference in how Horikoshi draws Dabi and 'Dabi'
Smirking so wide his cheeks staples are popping out exposing the muscles underneath the grafts, staring straight into 'camera', carefully controlling the way he looks and is perceived. It's not a natural way of being, it's performative. Exposing and highlighting his grotesque scars. Chin raised high, looking down at the characters he interacts with and at the audience. His gestures wide and self-assured, throwing his arms out. He forcibly attracts attention, even the negative kind, especially the negative kind. A smug and self-confident asshole.
And then he is off his Dabi hours and suddenly no longer filling the room with his presence. Gone is the oppressive evil charisma that had even the pro heroes scared of him. Now the hidden, nameless, hinted-at since his first appearance real identity is left exposed. His head turned down, avoiding eye contact, slouching. His wrists hanging limply. Arms crossed - hugging himself, a tell-tale gesture of discomfort. Curling into himself, making himself smaller. He looks younger, rolling his eyes and pouting.
Touya has run out of his social battery and doesn't want to be engaged with. He is vulnerable, the way Dabi can't afford himself to be. It's just so fascinating how his way of masking is putting on an artificially created Dabi persona.
#touya filling out his original character sheet before coming to the league#except instead of coming up with his lore he comes up with ways to avoid revealing his lore lol#since chapter 290 horikoshi really hasn't been drawing him the same#it's noticeable even when he draws flashbacks of early!dabi#early dabi was a rude nasty lil freak#with his height magically fluctating between being taller than twice and giran to his current one#after the reveal when dabi isn't having a breakdown or fighting the heroes#he just looks like a tired disgruntled cat#or dissociating with a wide smile#its such a fascinating way of writing a complex character#i just wish touya got more time with the league once he had nothing to hide#bnha#dabi#todoroki touya#long post
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I know the ending was bleak and tragic but I find it hard to believe that the crew's family would not be outraged with the company and go off to search for them on their own or at the very least hire a PI/search & rescue to find them. It definitely wouldn't take 20 years for them all to be found. Months at best. However, they all likely still would've been found dead because they didn't have enough supplies to last until they were all found.
At the very least I just can't fathom them all floating through space rotting away and NO ONE actually looks for them. No way. Specifically Daisuke and Swansea's family.
Like I think about this so much. How much would it cost? What would the company say to cover their ass? (We all know how corporations are. Especially this one.) Would they not even acknowledge any concern? How much hush money would they attempt to offer? How would the families cause enough of an uproar for the company to take action? What lies would the company spread before finally accepting that they're at fault? How long of a battle would the families put up with before taking matters into their own hands? Would this cause there to finally be proper work regulations? Not specifically for a crew since the Tulpar was the last, but in general for any job with humans at the helm.
I don't even wanna think about if any of the family finally finds the ship and goes on board. Daisuke's parents would be devastated and guilty. Swansea's kids would be outraged, seeing the bullet hole in their father's head. You even have to wonder about Curly and Anya's family too. I don't think they'd be allowed on the ship just simply for the fact that the investigator/S&R would know that the crew would likely not be in a good state when found. So that puts my mind somewhat at ease. None of their families has to immediately see that whole scene. But they would have to identify the bodies, and that's what hurts me.
#More musings#This game haunts me lmao#Like I think about this shit so much it lives rent free in my head fr fr#Bc we see this shit in real life#Companies at fault for wrongful deaths#And Pony Express is at fault. Make no mistake.#Extensive psych evals should've been done long before they boarded the ship#Proper regulations too#There was no reason to tell Curly that news way before they landed. He is at fault partially but...#I'm constantly thinking of their families#I think about how my family reacts if someone is missing or got hurt or how they died#There is just no freaking way the Tulpar would only be found 20 years later or not at all. No way.#Whether Curly would live after being found is...idk. There'd be a lot of blood loss and possible infections to worry about.#Would he even want to live like that? Traumatized as hell?#I like to think that because of his injuries it would be clear he didn't cause the incident but who knows#Maybe forensics and investigation is way better in the future lol#I'm being too hopeful maybe.#I didn't mention Jimmy's family because they could be one of two ways- they could be assholes like him or-#They enabled him worse than Curly ever did. And since I've met men like Jimmy his parents probably suck or at least one sucked#And the other was an enabler. Either way...I don't wanna talk about his parents. It's rare that they're good nice people.#Or they could just not be around. Which is another explanation. We don't know for sure.#But I guarantee they're enablers and his father probably acts just as bad as he does if not worse.#Okay I'm done now lmao. Poor tags.#Mouthwashing#Mouthwashing Daisuke#Mouthwashing Swansea#Mouthwashing Anya#Mouthwashing Curly#Personal#Vent
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Swampcat but the fic I can’t fucking write but I’m throwing the idea to the tank of sharks— I need to like clean it up but this is a very barebones sketch lol— also I think it would be slay if Kremy has reading glasses (old man)
*I sit a round table full of papers, it’s frantic, it’s crazy (normal), I sound desperate as I describe the scenes to you*
Go under here for my crazy
First lil encounter to me where they start piquing each other’s interests… you picking up what I’m putting down?
Somethign somethign, they usually do their paperwork, accounting, tax fraud in complete silence. It’s both of their quiet time, it’s a welcomed bliss because the rest of the party is pretty loud. ADHD AUTISM BODY DOUBLING MOMENT OKAY!!!
Okay anyway, I think from what I picked up, they’re both pretty competent at handling money and numbers. (Good at math, Frost would be really into theoretical mathematicals while Kremy is more applied maths core. This is all headcanon lol). FUCK IM BAD AT SUMMARIZING SHIT BYT ANYWAYS—
Eventually during their wordless agreement, they begrudgingly let each other check each other’s work, looking for errors and proofreading shit. Mutual respect (THIS IS LIKE SEX TO ME). Blah blah blah, you’re prolly getting tired of me rambling BUT UR IN MY LION’S DEN AND YOU MUST SIT AND LISTEN TO ME!!! 🫵🫵🫵
Frost leans in as he looks over Kremy’s paperwork (this is the sexiest thing to me okay), the fur from his cheek rubs against Kremy’s scales of his neck. I think texture wise, it’s like autism heaven bruh. They’re each other’s stimboard. THAT’S THE DYNAMIC I LIKE MMM YUMMY. It just feels nice to be in each other’s presence, fur against scales, cool against warmth, thermodynamic equilibrium.
Have a Drabble meow ⬇️
————
There’s a tension in the air so thick he could’ve cut it with a knife, and the offer from Frost still rings in Kremy’s head. The lizardfolk almost felt dizzy even thinking about it.
“I can amend that”
Frost’s words repeated in his head, voice deeper than usual. It was such a vague offer but Kremy knew what laced those words, he saw the hunger in that tiger’s eyes. He might just take up his offer, the thrill of it made his spine shiver.
———-
Like imagine that, lien taht, that’s the flavor, the thrill in the anticipation of it! THEY’RE FREAKSSASA !!!!! FREAKSSSS
#my art#swampcat#my inane rambling#clay rambles#ouaw swampcat#swampcat ouaw#there’s a Drabble in there#but I ain’t a writer#Kremy X Frost#Frost X Kremy#Kremy Lecroux x Morning Frost#Morning Frost x Kremy Lecroux#sighhhhh#they make me crazy#IM LIKE LAUGHING CUZ ITS JUST FOR LIKE A STUPIF REASON WHY— BUT THEY SLAY LMAO#me when I ship my two favorite characters and it somehow works#but also this also part of my like wordlessly in Witchlight polycule thing where Kremy just doesn’t know LOL— I JUST THINK THAT HILARIOUS#bro is just like “everyone is a macking it crazy style and sloppy style and no one wants to kiss me cuz im a freak and im evil#I think that’s the miscommunication I like— only when I do it (said in a very annoying way) ANGST HURT COMFORT HAPPY ENDING TYPE SHIT OKAY—#okay this is so goofy— I can’t take shit seriously becuase it feels like I’m putting these mofos under a Petri dish and examining them#this just started with the thought of what if doing math is sexy and cool— yeah SIGHHH IM SO LAME LMAO— my brainstorm got carried away lol#tw suggestive#ALSO#LONG POST
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Oh to be a pumpkin fairy, sitting creepily in the eye of a jack-o-lantern!
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Grace is owned by myself. :3
Please do not use or re-post my artwork without my permission. Thank you! (reblogs, however, are welcome and appreciated)
The original character design is by Mad-Akuma on Deviantart. All rights to their owners.
#oc#my oc#original character#grace baiji-ikaika#fairy#pumpkin fairy#fairy!grace#clip studio paint#November2024#tearsofxion'sart#my art#tearsofxiondrawsMyOwnLovelyOCs#fun fact: i actually drew the sketch for this before i drew the one for the last pumpkin fairy grace drawing i did#but i got part-way through the line-art phase and decided i wanted to try something else#and then abandoned it for a year#it was very funny looking at it again#'cause i've changed how i do line-art in the last year#and so i just stared at it like 'the fuck is wrong with the line-art' for a good minute#but i fixed it so it's all good!#i always forget why i don't usually use this shading style#and then i use it again and go 'oh. that's why.'#it's 'cause while everything turns out pretty#it takes so freaking long to render#and i get annoyed with how long it takes lol
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I found some cool reference poses from an artist named mellon-soup on TikTok, so I played around with a few of them because I felt like drawing and I hope that’s okay
Here are the poses:
And the sketches of Will, Jason, and Henry:
(I’ve been toying with Jason’s design lol, can’t decide whether or not to commit to the beard)
#my art#drawing reference#wip: freaks of preston#I’ve got a long way to go to draw these characters correctly lol#but I love this family so much they’re fueling my creativity
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hear me out,,, emo masadai n domesticated masadai fourway...
it aint even been two hours you couldnt stay out of my inbox for two hours and its to come at me with this
#nsff#snap chats#and yet why am i listening………….. and why are my earholes open………. freak…..#anyway shoutout to the random ass spam call i got i got to hear ichi ringtone <3#now i just be thinkina them old ass y2 daigo/aoki + masato/chairman daigo doodles i did last year….. i was cookin somethin….#their designs are just so funny in comparison with each other Respectfully#i mean tbh all y2 daigo has in common with aoki is the way their bangs go that lit it#with chairman tho.. the slicked back hair and questionably-green-or-grey tie makes me chortle…#extra delulu points for how there are Fine Lines on chairman’s suit…. lol….. anyways…..#thinks long and hard forever about how y2 daigo could have run into aoki… i need to revisit that concept again…#get out of my inbox i thought you didnt like me you stupid baka ……
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Hope yall are having a good holiday season!
I'm excited for the new year ;w; small update in tags
#ive been taking a mental break from things#i kinda freaked myself out about getting those designs out#could you tell? haha- /shot#anyway. i have a big piece im working on for the new year for cookie run#this year i wanna get back into yogs stuff#since they released that fun murder mystery gameshow im kinda eh about continuing midnight manor but. we will see#its different enough lol but i wanna re-focus in on reversion#it was my magnum opus at the time dlkfjgfk i was most excited for that and i got a lot of work done on it#and some new-yog work (as i promised kirsty kfjgfk >w<;;#probably not a comic#but i will be adding back onto my fanlore document on ao3#so once i get my designs moving (hopefully by sometime within the next week or two. i know i said a week last time but i didnt expect#to be pushing myself so hard)#i will gladly start those projects back up#im trying to finish the things i started because im notorious for not completing things and its a demon of mine ive been working to conquer#for like. a decade gfkgjg#ive made incredible progress... but ive still a long way to go#thank u guys for following me and interacting#i hope you like what you see whenver you get to see it!#intercom
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#Meme#Shitpost#The Stanley Parable#WPTSP#I decided to replay the Detonation ending to see if he had any change in dialogue if I just chilled near the main controls lol#He didn't - but he Did have something to say about me replaying this specific ending so#That was fun#There's a lot of things I've forgotten in the interim hehe ♪ The shock didn't last long but it was fun while it did <3#I do like the image of Stanley just patiently and calmly making his way to this point and then plopping down on the catwalk haha#I did have to annoy him with the Broom Closet a couple times first though hehe He deserves it#Little guy :)#And with that I think I'm done for the moment - I got all the endings I could recall and test through without spending four hours on one end#I like the Art ending but I never intend to get it haha#But I think I got all the rest! Even Heaven! :D Fun fun#I dunno why I saved all the heavy ones for tonight heck - even though I know them they still make me a bit uneasy#Especially the Apartment ending ahh I still remember being freaked out the first time I saw that one#Makes me want to replay the original HL mod hehe - what became the Museum ending is so different!#And also the device used to haul Stanley around haha#Temptinggg#Anyway happy almost 4/27 here :3c#WPVG
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh
#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡#[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear]#i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised#but like. i always just wanted them to like me#i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to#have my back for once vs everything else#i remember such a specific moment right#and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had#and they ended up talking before we left#the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me#& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this#n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be#better#and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face..........#and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it#i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have#a chance#maybe they do like me#like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them#and then she did it again#and again#but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed#for years n years#my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover#and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home#always just wanting to escape#to living through bad things outside of it too#just piling on top#from 6-16#and i kept going back
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i just finished iron blooded orphans and need to lay down for a bit
#it was so good#i don't have a lot of concrete thoughts rn just Feelings™#it was SUCH a wild ride. I'm always kinda hesitant to talk about a show bc i feel like I'm gonna spoil it but it's also not new lol so??#imma talk about it a bit anyways so tags after this will have spoilers#BUT SJFKGKDLA#so many people died 😭 imo the late deaths weren't as Sad™ as the earlier ones but still.#the way everyone changed their names and picked up new lives but still kept in touch with each other#and everyone finding Something because they kept moving forward. particularly Takaki in particular for me 🥹🤲#hearing something as simple like if u see a lot of places and learn a lot of things u will have many options. but The Way he's#living that out is just 🤌 a long way from being human debris my boy 🫂 I'm so proud of him#and I'm glad that greedy arms freaking mf got shot up in the bathroom 😼 it's what he DESERVED!!#last episode just like. rly emphasizing that even though the group is done everyone still lives on and finds their niche#and it's tragic fr how many people had to die trying to realize a dream that happened anyways 😔 though it wouldn't have#without their deaths so.. i fuckn KNEW at the beginning of the second season when Olga got the warning#about how if ur taking shortcuts/fastest way possible ur going to regret it later was MASSIVE foreshadowing#and it's just like damn y'all r letting me know this early huh 😭imma enjoy the ride regardless and what a fucking ride it was#i almost want to watch it again but there are also Other gundam series i need to check out#not for a while though.. imma do some stuff around the house n maybe draw for a bit.#just rly sit on my feelings and the Experience i just had. thank u everyone who brought up IBO it was SOOOO fucking good#feel free to recommend other favorites of yours i should check out next. mecha anime has always been a blindspot too so#if y'all have any in general from the genre lmk ^~^
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shout out to high school "reverse bicurious" "cis woman" me who just thought trans people in antiquity were fascinating and did my Latin IA on trans/gnc romans so now when I'm making lesson plans for my actual job teaching about gay and trans romans i literally just have a document from 2016 called "Gender links" that cites whole books with relevant quotes and summaries and even better, my own translations of primary sources.
thank you pre-burnout me!!!! for doing the leg work as an "ally"!!!!
#everything in my life was foreshadowing me being gay and trans#from my warrior cat name being gaypaw on the playground to me wanting to prove i was straight so bad i faked an interest in latin only to#discover i was obsessed with researching gay and trans people in antiquity/history/prehistory and now i'm an archaeologist#and we all know that archaeology is the gayest of the nerd professions#i mean i was dating a nonbinary person at the time i just got soo freaked out by the twinge of gender euphoria when an acquaintance used#they/them pronouns for me that i took it as evidence i was deffo not a they/them and did not examine my gender again until i was 19#and it was really like a revelation i had zero seconds of questioning i just realized sitting in my living room. it just made sense.#anyway lol long gender ramble in the tags here#pride#ancient rome#yes i am gonna talk about catullus but how do i talk about attis to a bunch of 9 year olds#am i going to do it? yes. do i expect a few blank stares? yes but who cares bc it means they are focused on their clay!#okay i am spending way too long writing this post back to work!
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idiotmu
#not tagging this w/ my art tag cuz these are dumb n silly#but i wanted to post my little freak who i love to bully relentlessly 💞#anyways i mostly just wanted to chat n say that the art i posted a small wip of will be done soon!#hopefully by tuesday#id say sooner but im writing something to go along with the drawing now!!!#i got an idea for a thing based of the picture so i wanna go ahead n post them togehter#so im waiting till i get both done#but the writing isnt going to be very long (hopefully)#1000 words at most i imagine#but yah theyve both been coming out so good im excited to post them!!!!!!#i hope that i eventually find some other people who also like shipping those two lol.#idc abt likes reblogs kudos whtv i care about finding the like 1 other person out there whos into this stuff so i can talk to sum1 LOL#hopefully once 1084/1085 gets adapted and the anime onlys find out abt lili there might be some others who start to talk abt her#or atleast i hope. either way im just happy posting and thinking about these two regaurdless!#i dont know why ive gotten so attached but i have! and its fun!#anyways thats enough chitchat LOL. im gonna go write or play a game <3 i hope everyone is having a lovely night! or day!#cal speaks
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#i remember being like - wait. he was a nerd. and he was hot. and now he’s the bad guy? but he’s just as hot???#most flawless 180* character turn in modern cinema#sam rockwell#eric knox#charlie's angels#charlie’s angels 2000
All of this,except post-reveal Eric isn't any less of a nerd. He's the ultimate "theather/band kid who decided a STEM career was a better choice because money",considering what we saw from him,lol. Eric is an uber-dramatic software engineer/CEO of the equivalent to Microsoft/Apple/Google/whatever. The latter alone should've clued in that he was evil,but alas.
Charlie’s Angels (2000) dir. McG
#charlie’s angels 2000#eric knox#sam rockwell#one of my favourite villains#tv tropes lists vivian as the vamp/seductress but he's lightyears more capable at the role lol(and this isn't even listed under his folder)#and in a way that seems belieavable beyond in a ''this is a campy movie''#his pre-reveal persona reminded me of marjorie gold in ''the triangle of rhodes''#the apparently mousy and homely but still good-looking subtly charming and intelligent#she was a ''hidden seductress'' to valentine's(a supermodel) more obvious charm#almost everyone thought the love triangle was w/ valentine but it was with marjorie#I don't know if the similarities were intentional but they exist nonetheless (/agatha christie tangent)#''he was a nerd and hot'' was a pretty good description of pre-reveal eric lol he was the definition of adorkable but still good looking an#ripped - him in a tank top after he fucked dylan (nerd and ripped - now I want evil chidi as a honey trap for eleanor lol) (/tgp tangent)#and it seemed eric had some power over vivan both pre and post reveal#when the angels got access to eric's bussiness rival's software but wouldn't hand them said access#vivan freaked out but eric calmed her down saying everything was alright they would deal with everything or whatever#post-reveal eric kissed vivian on the neck right after showing his true colours afaik#this is just speculation but there's no evidence against this interpretation#but the neck kiss happened soon after eric basically lured dylan into a death trap and gloated about it#so it's not a stretch to believe eric used seduction on vivian to at least ''sweeten the pot''#it's 1:40 am here#I'm overanalyzing a campy 2000 movie instead of sleeping and making an overly long post about it in the tags of a gifset#don't @ me#🤡
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